Category Passion & Joy

What Should I Wear?

May 11, 2020 2 Comments Changing The World, Health & Fitness, Passion & Joy

What Should I Wear? (and life’s other big questions )

NOTE TO INHABIT YOUR DREAMS READERS: Greetings from Catalunya! Before beginning this blog post, I want to explain what happened about a week ago. This website mysteriously disappeared. My trusted web manager, Margie Baxley of Geek Websites, was able to restore it from backup. That auto-generated a mailing and you received an old blog post from me (and IggyMo), written about Girona’s annual Temps de Flors event almost a year ago. Unfortunately, like so much that was, the event was canceled this year due to Covid-19 and the general lockdown in Spain, in its 9th week as of this writing. I apologise for any confusion and hope you enjoy this light-hearted piece I wrote a while back but hadn’t yet published. I welcome your comments and look forward to hearing from you! With love, Aysha

I love textiles… textures, colors, patterns, and clothing styles from many cultures and eras. Lucky for me, I also love second-hand stores and charity shops, so I can indulge in occasional “shopping therapy,” usually without spending more than a lunch out, and easily acquire and give away whole wardrobes. But acquiring clothes isn’t the problem.

I’ve had plenty of clothes in my life, as I’m guessing you have too.

I once lived in the same house for 10 years and collected all manner of clothing and accessories to fill a glorious walk-through closet, the size of a small bedroom. It had built-in closet organizers — bars of varying heights, drawers, shelves, places for scarfs and pendants, belts, bags, shoes, even hats! I was so organized that I even used hangars of the same size and color so it looked uniformly fabulous. And this before Marie Kondo was out of diapers. So, organization was not the problem.

But some mornings, nay most mornings, I’d stand naked amid all these marvelously organized pieces of colorful cloth, and stare in total bewilderment… often for an embarrassing and disconcertingly long time.

Now, stating the obvious: to have this “problem” of what to wear is a sign of great privilege, worthy of appreciation and not to be taken too seriously, lest we forget that underneath this game of dress-up, we are all naked apes.

This reality check aside, for those of us with closets full of colors, patterns, textures and styles of dresses, skirts, pants, shorts, shirts, blouses, sweaters, jackets, from casual to formal and season specific, plus undergarments and all manner of accessories, the perennial and often overwhelming challenge, is not only, “What should I wear?” but
What can I wear?
What fits?
What looks good on me?

And what matches the fabulous hand-embroidered bellbottoms from Mexico I’ve never worn?

Being unable to quickly and easily answer these questions-to-self wastes a lot of time and psychic energy, and can even evoke emotions of despair and self-loathing.

Is there not some madness in this dilemma? And does it not speak to the ways we may have so complicated our lives that making clear and simple decisions becomes a source of anxiety rather than joy?

Eight years ago I embarked on an uncharted journey into an uncertain future, with no known closets. I divested myself of all possessions except what would fit into three suitcases (two large, one carry-on). Saying goodbye to nearly everything and everyone was like a conscious death, and the well-worn maxim, “You can’t take it with you,” played a mournful but strangely liberating refrain.

In deciding which clothes, shoes and accessories to bring, I realized the answer to “what to wear?” lay in coordinated outfits.

The significance of clothing

But before getting into details of applying “coordinating principles” to your wardrobe, let’s consider the scope of the significance of clothing. The story of humanity can be tracked by its story. From grasses and fronds to animal skins and furs; from the discovery of silk and dyes to the cultivation of animals, cotton and fibers; from the invention of needles-and-thread to looms, the cotton gin, mechanized production, synthetics and an online global marketplace. The fabrics with which we cloth our bodies connect us both to history, and to our present, complex world.

I’d like to continue musing about our relationship to clothing:
Why is what you wear important?
How can you have a healthy, happy relationship with your wardrobe, and everything you own?

But first, here are three essential principles you must understand for choosing clothing and coordinating outfits that look and feel great.

Essential principles

Your body type. There are four basic body types or shapes. It’s obvious which you are, and knowing this helps make choices about what styles of clothes generally look best on your type. No body type is better or worse than another; it’s simply about accentuating your best attributes and minimizing your less-than-best to create a balanced — and more attractive — look. For a basic understanding of body types and the best styles of clothing for each, click here.– Apple: (triangle downward) broader shoulders and bust, and narrower hips
– Pear: (triangle upward) hip measurements are greater than bust measurements
– Banana: (straight/rectangular) waist measurement is less than 9 inches smaller than the hip or bust measurement.
– Hour glass: (triangles opposing, facing in) hip and bust are almost of equal size, with a narrow waist.

This pear-shaped author’s note to Apple and Pear-shaped bodies: “skinny leg” pants are for skinny legs attached to skinny butts and waists. Also, if you are not tall, thin and fit, please don’t wear leggings without a top that comes to at least the middle of your thighs. If you have a waistline worth showing off, add a belt.

Your personal style. Whether you know it or not, you already have a style. Of course, you can choose to change it, and often, as we age and/or our lifestyle changes, so does our style. There are many websites that explain this and offer quizzes and tips. Here’s one. This site also has sections on discovering your colors and building your wardrobe.
Your best colors. Just because you like a color, or it’s what’s being pushed this season, does not mean it looks good with your skin tone and hair color, or that the cut is in your style. For example, last year’s summer yellows and winter grays were “the worst” for this olive-skinned-gold-jewelry-wearing woman. To learn more about what colors combine well, check out this site and see her Pinterest illustration.

Once you know what styles and colors work best with your body type, personality and lifestyle, it’s a lot easier to create outfits that take the mystery out of “What should I wear?”

Your Clothes Want To “Speak to You”

We tend to think about objects in our home as “just things,” but consider this: You chose each item, brought it home, gave it a place to live, are responsible for it and, in essence, are in relationship with it. So, what if you approached these things as if sentient beings, like a dog or cat, or even a friend?

Most fashion consultants use a standard objective approach to decluttering and organising a wardrobe with criteria like: if you haven’t worn it in a year, or it doesn’t fit now, or if it needs repairs, etc. This is not “wrong,” but it is solely cerebral, devoid of emotion, and takes no account of the relationship we have with our things. If they didn’t matter, they wouldn’t be in our life… and indeed, many things hold little appreciation by us and are best to bid “adios.”

When you stand in the closet asking, “What should I wear?” do you listen for a reply? Seriously, I believe our clothes want to “speak” us. But, as with any relationship, we must spend time with them, touch them, hold them up and look at them.

You can ask them intelligent questions and listen open-heartedly to their answer. “Do you really like being on my body?” “Do you want to spend the whole day with me?” “Do you want to attend my business meeting… or walk around the lake, or my trip to the grocery store or to Rome?”

I’ve had clothes tell me, “I’m not comfortable on you.” “I fit you perfectly, but you obviously don’t like red pants.” “I know you haven’t worn me yet, but you bought me for a special occasion and I’d like to hang around longer and hope that occasion arises.”

Every day, once or more, we have this great luxury to decide which costume to don to reflect our sense of self… to our self (that beloved image in the mirror) and to the world in which we interact.

A closet full of clothes without outfits…
is like a scavenger hunt without clues!

Ignoring the ever-shifting tides of fashion, I care about dressing comfortably in my colours and style, which could be call “Bohemian chic.” As a woman of a certain age, I’ve learned that now, more than ever, my daily “costumes” — whether at home or out-and-about — play huge role in how I feel. They are part of the theatre of my life.

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the theatre of our lives, especially since entering my “Third Act,” (you can read about the new focus of my work), but most poignant is that as long as we are alive we are always on stage… scripting, designing, directing, producing and starring in this unique improvisational show.

The challenge of having a closet full of clothes and “nothing to wear” is not a lack of imagination. It’s a lack of curation.

The challenge of having a closet full of clothes and “nothing to wear”, or wearing the same clothes again and again, is not a lack of imagination. It’s a lack of curation, defined as “the action or process of selecting, organizing, and looking after the items in a collection or exhibition.” To wisely curate a collection, we must know what it’s about — the theme, the focus and the messages and emotions we hope to convey, to ourselves and whomever we encounter.

Curating our wardrobe is part of curating every aspect of our lives — from the food we buy and how we prepare it, to the way we arrange and decorate our spaces, to the information, people and activities to which we choose to give our time, attention and care. (Related to this subject, I recommend this free eBook by Jan H. Croteau, Hanging With Art: Make Every Room Extraordinary).

Ultimately, the question, “What should I wear?”, also begs the bigger life questions of self-identity and definition, like,
“What do I love?”
“What do I value?”
“What gives me joy?”

Although each of us must answer these questions for herself, not everyone has the time, interest or confidence to design and coordinate their wardrobe, living spaces, or healthy regimes; ergo the demand for services of designers, consultants and coaches who can help curate what we have to work with, maximising and exhibiting it to its personal and public best.

If you’ve read this far…

Thank you. I’ve covered a lot of ground here. It seems no matter what challenges we have — from the seemingly mundane, like how you dress, to more pressing matters like health, relationships, money — they all offer opportunities for greater self-knowing, and the satisfying expression of our most kind and compassionate selves.

I’d love if you’d leave a comment, even if just to let me know you’ve spent time with me here.

May I help?

If you’d like me to write more about any of the aspects covered in this article, email me or mention in a comment. If I may offer any help to you or a friend, contact me to schedule a free 30-minute coaching conversation. I’d love to hear from you!

“Aysha Griffin is a much-acclaimed coach who can help you to grow a business, start or complete a creative project, get a handle on your finances or, yes, curate your wardrobe. And to make it fun, you can do it via live video connection.” — Judith Fein

The Best Hairstylist in Rome

April 1, 2017 7 Comments Italy, Passion & Joy, Relationships, Travel

Call me shallow, but after two weeks in Rome, my favorite discoveries have been the best hairdresser in the world, the best artichokes, the best gelato store, the best shoe store for my size 10 (Euro 41) shoes, and the best new friends.

Like countless tourists before me, I’ve been to the Vatican Museum, the Borghese Gallery, the Pantheon, Spanish Steps, Trevi Fountain, piazzas galore, and at least 5 major churches, including the Mother of them all, St. Paul’s Basilica, overcome by the gob-smacking architecture, art and craftsmanship that adorns them.

I’ve loitered at street-side cafes all over the city, peered through the keyhole on Aventine Hill and into the Mouth of Truth on display near Circus Maximus. I’ve strolled through the Jewish ghetto and synagogue, eaten plates of pasta, baskets of bread-based sweets, over-cooked greens, and enjoyed many cups of strong caffé and glasses of pleasant vino rosso. But nothing is more exciting to me than the personal encounters, the stories of the choices and challenges in the lives of amazing people I encounter… and almost all my encounters are with amazing people.

Rome best hair dresser — Stefano and his friend Patrizio on the street leading to “TAZ,” the “Temporary Autonomous Zone” where Stefan works on just a few clients a day – so as to give them his full attention – and plans to soon sell “the most-excellent products for hair and skin.” Note that in Italy, friendships between straight men (as is the case here) are far more physical than in other countries I’ve visited.

“With every action we add or subtract to the goodness in the world.” So says Stefano Sillavi, as he gently brushes my hair, tangled and stiff from too much product in my perennial battle to make my curls look other than they naturally want to.

Have you ever had your head touched for an hour or more in a gentle way, as if the other’s fingers are sensing every centimeter of its shape and the texture and flow of each hair? I hadn’t, and it is a remarkable experience.

In a small shop in Trastevere, with an unassuming sign reading “TAZ,” I sit in front of a large framed oval mirror, crystal chandeliers hanging from the high plastered ceiling, as Stefan explains the nature of my hair and “what it wants to do.” He enthuses about its waves and flows how he will shape it, and why.

OK? Oh yes!

No one has ever taken the time to know my hair in this way, and then spoken about it with such knowledge and insight.

We move to the basin where he washes and conditions, continuing the constant hands-on movement of a skilled practitioner. Back to the mirror, he clips and snips and fluffs and dries, adding only a little oil to the hair itself.

Rome best hairstylist — *Stefan Sillavi shaving his friend Patrizio who stops in for a visit.*

We talk about consciousness and the practice of being present, and his work, to which he is devoted. He speaks with gratitude for a Japanese woman mentor he had in New York, where he studied and worked for seven years. His command of English, and philosophical bent, makes possible the depth of conversation we share.

At the end of two hours of having my head touched with such care, my hair shaped and fluffed, I felt I’d had a long, luxurious massage.

Touching and caressing the head is a sensuous and intimate action, which is perhaps why it is so seemingly rare. And unlike my countless previous haircuts – from a cheapo $8 SuperCuts to a $140 Vidal Sassoon cut in New York City – I’d never before left a salon feeling truly enamored of my hair and renewed, more confident, and more beautiful than ever.

I can say Stefano Sillavi is the best hairstylist in Rome, but he may be the best in the world!

Aysha Griffin with Stefan Cillavi, hair stylist Rome. — *Stefano Sillavi and Yours Truly at TAZ… after a fabulous experience.*

If you are planning a trip to Rome, or are in Rome, you can contact Stefan by phone or WhatsApp at: +39 388.759.7166. I will not quote his fee but it is very reasonable… even for just a haircut, which, as I’ve described, this is much more than simply that. He works his magic on men as well as women.

Have you ever had an extraordinary haircut experience? Please share in comments. I’ll write about my other “best finds” soon.

Opportunities and Challenges of Donald Trump’s Presidency

November 10, 2016 12 Comments Changing The World, Passion & Joy, Relationships

The world awoke to a surprising reality on Nov. 9, 2016, that a sleazy businessman – who has said and done the most outrageous, vulgar and hateful things – was elected the 45th President of the United States.

I wandered in a daze all day, under chilly gray skies, unable to focus. Everyone I passed seemed grim, as if a veil of sadness covered the usually sunny, colorful and friendly city. I felt I had entered a book I’d just published for a Young Adult author in Cuba about a cloudy city under the curse of a council of evil witches. I didn’t want to think what this might mean, but of course I knew – just as when I watched the Twin Towers fall – that today was a day that the universe changed.

Facebook friends from the U.S., Canada, England, Netherlands, Spain, Cuba and Mexico expressed extreme sorrow, anger, frustration, bewilderment, and reported even physical reactions like crying and vomiting. And then there were the voices for calm, hope, renewed commitment to values of equality, justice and freedom; and calls to actions of kindness and reconciliation.

What are the challenges?
brother and sister photo Besides the obvious of getting over our immediate reactions of shock, projections of the worst-case scenarios and commiserations of how badly we feel, we need to look out for one another. There are a lot of crazy and angry people who may feel they’ve been given carte blanche to vent. I don’t mean looking out for just our families and small circle of friends, but anyone who might be the victim of hateful or nasty words or deeds.

This same day, a petite blond woman friend was walking down the street, in our seemingly peaceful village of San Miguel de Allende, and a young Mexican dude screamed at her, “Regresa a su país!” (“Go home!”). She is home, a Mexican born and raised in San Miguel.

Anger is powerful, releasing all sorts of chemicals to the brain and body, like adrenaline and nonepinephrine, the same that are released when we feel threatened or unsafe; i.e., in fear. “… Our brains are wired in such a way as to influence us to act before we can properly consider the consequences of our actions. This is not an excuse for behaving badly – people can and do control their aggressive impulses and you can too with some practice. Instead, it means that learning to manage anger properly is a skill that has to be learned, instead of something we are born knowing how to do instinctually.” (From the “Physiology of Anger“)

We need to overcome our fears, old friends photo rewire our thoughts and feelings by imagining and actively creating best-case scenarios. This stimulates all sorts of positive neurochemicals that let our bodies know it is safe to be expansive, to be creative, to love and be loved.

What are the opportunities?
For the “Tribe of the Kind and Conscious” – which you are by virtue of reading this – I think it means that we’re going to have to step up to the plate. It’s our turn at bat. How conscious are we really? How aware of the matrix? How willing to put aside our egos, our differences and our comfort zones?

All the years of practicing meditating, yoga, opening our minds and hearts, becoming vulnerable to feelings and aware of the difficulties of being human… now we get to put it to use in the world. Many of us are the elders, the ones who’ve lived through many battles – starting with our own demons. We’ve developed good communication skills, awareness and deep concern for the planet’s health and our own. We know a lot. And, most importantly, we know how to be kind, the meaning of compassion and the power of gratitude and love.

Everything is in crisis! So, how do you and I respond in a crisis? First-responders – those amazing EMTs, firemen, ER docs and nurses – are trained to know what to do, but their work usually involves a singular event, while the complexity of issues and real problems facing all life on earth is extraordinary. Never has the human race been at this point, and you and I are here. What will we make of this? What will we do now?

We could follow Garrison Keilor’s wry advice in today’s Washington Post OpEd piece: ” … let the Republicans build the wall and carry on the trade war with China and deport the undocumented and deal with opioids, and we Democrats can go for a long, brisk walk and smell the roses.” Or, we can exercise our passions, our wisdom and our hearts to collaborate, cooperate, believe in the power of kindness, compassion and love, and support one another in creating, as author Charles Eisenstein calls it, “The more beautiful world our hearts can imagine.” Why not? What better do we have to do?

If you saw yourself as a most-powerful being, what beautiful world would your heart imagine? Please leave a comment below.

beach at sunset, beautiful world

Cuba Stole My Heart

May 13, 2016 6 Comments Cuba, Passion & Joy, Travel

This post is from the introduction to my book in progress, “Cuba Stole My Heart.”
Please consider joining me and a group of friends for the next
“Journey for the Creative Spirit!” to Havana
Nov. 30-Dec. 8, 2016.

School for the arts, Havana — Instituto Superior del Arte, Havana

Cuba embraced me and I returned with a kiss. It was spontaneous, unimagined, unbidden… at least on a conscious level. Since my first visit, March 2013, I became enraptured, entangled and connected. My best friends, valued acquaintances, two adopted families, and baby godson live there. But for a chance encounter, a moment in time/space that cracked open, I would not have been ushered into this astonishing and complex world which has become an integral part of my life.

Without Latin decent and having lived and traveled extensively in the English-speaking world, Cuba was never on my mind or in my heart, as it is for all exiles. So I am surprised and delighted to find myself so deeply intrigued and absorbed by this society ostensibly on the verge of change.

I suspect my personal connection lies in fascination with those who have stayed through all the challenges and deprivations of the revolution, committed to home-as-place and family, a sense of belonging I’d sought but had evaded me. And I relate to the perennial Cuban struggle for identity as a people, a community and society, as it too is part of my search.

This is the story of my Cuban experiences over 3 years and five visits totally 6 months. It is not a guidebook in any traditional sense, although I hope you gain insight and guidance to serve if you are planning a trip to Cuba, or simply enjoy a personal journey informed by this island nation, which even its own citizens rightly describe as “complicado.”

Writers’ Workshop in Santa Fe

September 17, 2014 0 Comments Business & Work, Passion & Joy

Marketing Your Book With Love – Sell Your Book While Nurturing Your Soul

Wed. Oct. 22, 10am-1pm

Click here to Register!

Learn about the Workshop
Read past participants’ comments

Overwhelmed by “the business” of marketing your books? I’ll show you how to replace the fear and drudgery of marketing with a new paradigm that ignites your creativity, uses your style, life experience and passion… and can actually be fun!

In this 3-hour workshop/presentation, you’ll learn:
• The truths and myths about building an author platform.
• What works best for you.
• Why Amazon rankings are key to sales and how to increase yours.
• How, why and where to leverage your time and effort through social, print and broadcast media, joint ventures, PR and other ways you choose to attract your readership, promote and sell your books, and make money.

You’ll leave the workshop with the beginnings of an effective roadmap for your self-nurturing marketing plan, and the clarity and motivation to follow it.

Whether fiction or non-fiction, in any genre, this workshop will provide real tools and inspiration to bring your voice and heart to successfully parent a healthy, thriving “baby.”

About the presenter:

Aysha Griffin is a business and marketing coach, writer/editor/publisher and former print and broadcast journalist. Known for fusing the artistic, visionary, and practical to empower creative individuals to Inhabit Your Dreams! she has published more than 400 freelance articles in lifestyle, business and travel magazines and 20+ books for clients and herself. A pioneer in desktop publishing, Aysha has owned a marketing/communications agency since 1985, helping hundreds of businesses, non-profits and creatives clarify their vision and achieve their goals. She is author and publisher of Leonardo’s Revenge and Other Stories and the upcoming Marketing Your Book With Love – A Writers’ Guide To Selling Your Books While Nurturing Your Soul.

A Santa Fe, NM resident for 12 years, Aysha has been traveling and working with clients internationally since 2011. She has presented this popular workshop for 4 years in a row at the San Miguel Writers’ Conference and elsewhere. Come and discover how you can market your book with love!

Click here to Register Now!

Thank you for sharing this post with your New Mexico friends and on social media!

I found my voice in Girona…

June 28, 2014 15 Comments Passion & Joy, Travel

Or Why Taking Responsibility – That Isn’t Yours – Can Be Detrimental To Your Health!

On the red metal bridge designed by Gustave Eiffel, over the River Onyar in Girona at sunset, walking with my friend Anna, a man, thirty-something, with a jaunty walk, approached from the opposite direction. Recognizing Ana, he slowed and exchanged greetings. “Que tal?” she asked. He said he’d just come from teaching a voice class. He cradled a bottle of Dom Perignon, and I commented that was a precious bottle. “A gift from one of my students,” he said, with a smile that conveyed genuine gratitude. He was relaxed and completely present to our conversation.

“So you teach singing?” I asked. “Not exactly. I work with professional singers, yes, and others, to find and expand their voice, which comes from their body, their grounding.” Jordi Hom continued, speaking of the relationship of the body’s organs to the body and its surroundings, using all its senses – including its intuitive sense – to give rise to voice. “It has little to do with just breathing.”

Without thinking, I asked, “Can I have a session with you?” I surprised myself. “Sure,” he replied and we made a date. The night before, I had a Skype talk with a new friend, who is a talented jazz singer. We spoke about the joy of singing, and my inhibition, believing I cannot sing on key. “You have a great speaking voice. I’m sure you can sing,” she said. I wasn’t sure, although I love to sing and know the words to nearly every song I’ve ever heard. And then this teacher appeared. Serendipity.

Jordi’s studio is a spacious room with a mirrored wall and electric piano in one corner. I stood in the middle while he walked around me, observing. “Your energy is cut off at the knees, ungrounded. It’s not flowing through your tightened chest, through your groin and connecting with the ground,” he said.

He sat at the piano and had me sing scales using different vowels. “You have no problem with key,” he noted, “but do you hear all the air in your voice?” Of course, it’s sounded like that for as long as I recall, as if diluting sound with air. “Let’s change that!” he said with glee. OK! I agreed.

For the next hour, I walked deliberately, planting my heels on the floor, moving my arms and hands in loose circles toward my body, I sat in a chair across from him as he massaged every centimeter of each hand, moving the energy up my arms, explaining how the meridians related to various organs. At one point he said, “You’re carrying responsibilities that are not yours.” As the truth of that was obvious to me, I began to weep.

I had a lifetime of stories of hurts, disappointments, abandonments… persistent memories of being wounded. I had literally taken to heart other people’s words and deeds, let them stick like a knife, drawing my life’s blood. And I carried responsibility for them, as if they were my words and deeds when, in fact, I know that everything that issues from another is theirs. I have my own. I didn’t need to take responsibility for anyone else’s. It was a heavy and painful burden that finally and suddenly could be let go. My body relaxed in a new way.

I returned several times to stand in front of the piano and intone scales. As if a miracle, I heard my voice without airiness, a pure deep rich tone. Jordi played “The Rose,” a perfect song for the occasion, and I sang, tears streaming down my cheeks. “You have a beautiful voice,” he said. Yes, I do. It’s always been there, a secret even to myself. Now it is revealed.

Interesting that this happened in Girona, a city renowned for its secrets hidden in massive stone walls, buried beneath ancient foundations. We all have wounds. That’s inevitable. But in relinquishing responsibilities that are not mine, my voice became clear.

“The Rose”

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
And you its only seed.

It’s the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It’s the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance.
It’s the one who won’t be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
And the soul afraid of dyin’
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun’s love
In the spring becomes the rose.

Thoughts of Spring and Transformation

April 5, 2014 0 Comments Passion & Joy, Relationships

Jacaranda perennially marks spring in San Miguel de Allende — Purple jacaranda perennially marks the advent of spring in San Miguel de Allende

I have wondered how to start up again to craft blog posts when my days are full of work commitments and my own projects and preparing for travels and traveling and engaging with the people and tasks before me and trying to stay in direct touch with the many incredible friends who grace my life.

And then here, a new friend, Sue Aran – whom I’ve met only via email, via an introduction from a mutual friend and hope to encounter this summer in the life she is constructing in France – writes this stunningly beautiful post, and I get to “reblog” it to you. I hope you will visit her site and subscribe, as I aspire to the depth of insight and beauty she shares so graciously.

May you appreciate and enjoy the growth, transformation and waking up to this Time of Your Life!

More soon, with love,
Aysha

Knocking on Heaven’s Door

April 4, 2014 by sue

Read the original at: http://lestroisamies.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/knocking-on-heavens-door/#comment-441

“You can cut all of the flowers, but you cannot stop spring from coming.” ~ Pablo Neruda

Last week the Vent d’Autun winds swept through southern Gascony stirring up portentous changes. Like the infamous Mistral winds in Provence, they can make you crazy. I found myself poised on a roller coaster dreading the inevitable drop, an existential free fall though doors of chaos, at once on top of the world and overwhelmed by the moment. For days I felt like I was hovering in the eye of a storm…until I let go. While looking for the meaning of life, I rediscovered the joy of being alive. Thich Nhat Hanh says, “Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.”

The beginning of spring has unleashed a whirlwind of transformation, a turning point in the complex landscape of life. Even the heavens are conspiring against us this month with a rare combination of 2 eclipses – a lunar eclipse on April 15th (which will only be seen in North America) and a solar eclipse on April 29th (which will only be seen in Australia) – and, a powerful alignment of stars celled a Cardinal Grand Cross. We will be given many choices – to stay stuck or grow, resist or surrender, stay asleep or wake up.

The Buddha says that everything dear to us causes pain. Everything dear to us changes. Every experience is a door that can open your heart, as every door is an entry to somewhere else. The older I get the more I’m getting used to losses, the more I’m reminded that our lives are precious. It’s not that there’s so little time, it’s that we waste so much of it.

We all have the ability to transform the trials of our lives into revelations, our pain into growth. In doing so, our lives become our practice. In the Iliad, Homer said that the gods envy us because we’re human, because any moment may be our last, because we will never be here again.

After knocking on heaven’s door

the sea of life set me adrift

and I turned like a boat on a river

without oars.

The winds of change

blew me off course

until I surrendered

brimming with wonder

on to the other shore.

Letting Go

December 30, 2011 8 Comments Passion & Joy, Relationships

SHE LET GO…

As we say adios to 2011, reflecting on what is past, envisioning what lies ahead, and cultivating Presence and gratitude in the Now, this beautiful poem (below) was sent to me by Michael Sudheer (check out his website for fabulous photos of San Miguel de Allende). I share with you these profound words and my wishes for your experience in 2012 to be that of abundant health, joy, love; and that you inhabit your dreams!

She Let Go
Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of fear.
She let go of judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.
Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice.
She didn’t read a book on how to let go.
She just let go.
She let go of all the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.
She made no public announcement.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t utter one word.
She just let go.
No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good. It wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.
Here’s to giving ourselves the gift of letting go…
There’s only one guru ~ you.

Dr. Ernest Holmes
Founder, Science of Mind

Getting Your Needs Met

December 15, 2011 5 Comments Passion & Joy, Relationships

We all have needs for attention, appreciation, affection and acceptance. But we vary individually in HOW we want those needs to be fulfilled, our capacity to receive, and our ability to express them clearly, so they might be met.

Feeling our needs are not met leads to resentments, anger, sadness, pain, distress, discomfort, constriction and fear… the opposite of the feelings/emotions we yearn to experience: joy, pleasure, comfort, relief and love.

There are three key components, or reasons, our needs are not met:

1. The other person is not able. It is not within their capacity, and therefore it is usually easy to accept that reality. For example, you wouldn’t expect someone with back problems to help you lift heavy boxes, or someone who likes staying home to accompany you on a long trip.

However, problems arise when we don’t accept what another knows or perceives as his/her limitations or truth. We may try to convince, cajole or otherwise disrespect the answer we receive to our request. As Byron Katie says, “Any time you argue with reality, you create your own suffering.” When someone says, “I can’t,” believe them and move on to someone who “can.”

2. Your needs are in conflict with the other’s needs (and vice versa). Meaning, simply, that you have different needs. This is especially important to understand as it also speaks to the reality of things and accepting our real differences.

If your needs are at odds (in conflict with) another person’s, and we respect our self, their needs are also to be respected. If we say, “I need you to accompany me” and the other says they have a previous commitment, our ego might go to a wounded place of feeling unappreciated, unaccepted, unloved. “Aren’t I – my needs – more important than yours?” In fact, no, they are not. They are your needs, and therefore your responsibility to get met.

The beauty of understanding the reality of both #1 and #2, which are essentially the same: hearing and accepting “I can’t” from another, is that there is no blame. Each of us is different, and we let our self and others off the hook when we take sole responsibility for meeting our own needs.

While we delight when someone can meet our needs and their needs are in alignment with ours, we can also take pleasure in knowing we are free to respond to a “no” or “can’t” with: “Thanks, I’ll take care of my needs elsewhere.”

3. You have not clearly communicated your needs. This is the crux of the matter and accounts for perhaps 90% of why you are not getting your needs met. Asking clearly for what we want takes a great deal of conscious communication.

It means knowing what you need, and not waffling just to please another or expecting them to martyr them self or compromise their needs for you (which inevitably leads to ill feelings because their needs are not met).

It means being confident that you deserve to have your needs met.

It means be willing to have the other respond that they are either not able or not interested… and not taking their response personally, as if you are unworthy. That is just not true, and thinking that should act as a big indicator that you need to give your self more attention, appreciation, affection and acceptance.

It means loving your self enough to tell the truth about what you need, and accepting that another person may not be able to give it to you (or at this time, or perhaps ever)… but at least you have given them the opportunity to hear your request and respond honestly.

You CAN get your needs met. You must know them, communicate them clearly, and find the people who able and freely willing to say, “Yes!” Then, it’s up to you to appreciate your self and the other, hearing and reciprocating (as you are capable and choose to) to their needs.

May you live fearlessly, passionately, joyfully!

Aysha is a certified business and relationship coach. For the winter 2011/2012, she is offering a special price for personal coaching via phone or Skype. For more info, see: AyshaGriffin.com

Day of Alignment and Forgiveness

November 11, 2011 2 Comments Health & Fitness, Passion & Joy, Relationships

The Second Greatest Alignment Day In The History Of The Earth

One is the number of individuality, undivided, pure, soverign, united, harmonious. Alignment means: a state of agreement or cooperation among persons, groups, nations, etc., with a common cause or viewpoint. In terms of self, it means integrating, embracing, loving all the various parts, which often requires forgiveness to accomplish.

Today is, by our calendar, a very special day for considering the meaning of One. I share with you some thoughts from an email by Mark Ivar Myhre, author of Emotional Times, with his kind permission. I would love to hear what the meaning of Oneness, and this day, means to you. (Please leave your comments below).

I don’t know much about numerology but I do see all those ones, and here’s what I’m seeing: The time between 11:11 AM and 11:11 PM on November 11 2011 will be a high energy time to work on yourself. The second greatest alignment date in the history of the earth, after Nov 11, 1111, which is obviously the first. But we’re here now. So let’s do it now.

Nothing but ones. What does that mean? Oneness. Wholeness. Complete. And new beginnings. And most of all, it means alignment.
How can I get aligned with myself?
How can I be true?
How can I be one with myself?

It starts with processing. Which usually means getting out paper and pen and just writing stuff down. Get it out of you. Get it out. Write until you can’t write anymore.

Then you’ve got something to work with, on this day of becoming more of who you are. Do your processing, by writing out whatever is on your mind. It should flow out of you easily this day.

Then, after spending 20 minutes or more letting your feelings and thoughts flow out on paper, take a break for a little while. Give it an hour. Then look back over what you’re written with a sharper eye, compliments of this ‘alignment date’. Let the enhanced energy of this day put a razor’s edge to your vision and comprehension.

Look at what you’ve written. Look for the voice of the ‘lesser’ in you. Look for the whine. Look for the part of your consciousness that is whining on the paper. Get a sense of the part of you that is adrift. It’s drifted off into pity or martyr or blame or rage or pain or guilt or shame or…

A part of you. It’s become separate, but now it’s time to reunite. Realign. Get in alignment. Here’s how:

You want to understand this part of you as much as you can. It should be a little easier to do this today. Your senses should be enhanced, at least a little bit. So seek to understand the consciousness behind the words you’ve written on the pages. Most likely it will be a scared child or a scared adolescent, or have
some sort of flavor of youth to it.

And it might be angry. It might even be angry at you. Whatever it is, you want to love it and accept it and embrace it as much as you can. “This is me.”

Take ownership of yourself.

Love yourself, as you also love this part of you.

Can you see this part of you – as a shape or a face or a light or an image or a color or a radiance of energy? Can you hear it? Can you feel it? Can you get a sense of what or who it is?

Now, after letting it speak on paper, after getting a sense of it, after understanding it, after loving it…

Now, forgive it.

“I understand, you separated from me, out of the pain and shame and fear and anger… It was too intense, so you had to separate. I couldn’t handle it. So you took the hit for me. You took the burden. You took my pain… and my intensity.”

You say. “And now,” you add, “I’m going to make it right. I’m going to take responsibility for what I’ve created… for what I’ve done.

“And therefore, I forgive you; I forgive myself for creating the circumstances that caused you to break off from me, and I forgive you for living it.”

And after the forgiveness, the two of you merge into one, which you can do just by imagining some sort of image of this part of your consciousness in front of you, and then walking into it. Or it walks into you. Or both.

One. Oneness. Becoming whole. That’s what this day is about. And this is just one way you can work with the energy to help yourself to become more of who you are, and less of who you are not.

Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard

For tons of articles and information on healing by Mark Ivar Myhre –
http://www.emotional-times.com

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http://www.join-the-fun.com/consult-with-me.html