Category Relationships

The Best Hairstylist in Rome

7 Comments Italy, Passion & Joy, Relationships, Travel

Call me shallow, but after two weeks in Rome, my favorite discoveries have been the best hairdresser in the world, the best artichokes, the best gelato store, the best shoe store for my size 10 (Euro 41) shoes, and the best new friends.

Like countless tourists before me, I’ve been to the Vatican Museum, the Borghese Gallery, the Pantheon, Spanish Steps, Trevi Fountain, piazzas galore, and at least 5 major churches, including the Mother of them all, St. Paul’s Basilica, overcome by the gob-smacking architecture, art and craftsmanship that adorns them.

I’ve loitered at street-side cafes all over the city, peered through the keyhole on Aventine Hill and into the Mouth of Truth on display near Circus Maximus. I’ve strolled through the Jewish ghetto and synagogue, eaten plates of pasta, baskets of bread-based sweets, over-cooked greens, and enjoyed many cups of strong caffé and glasses of pleasant vino rosso. But nothing is more exciting to me than the personal encounters, the stories of the choices and challenges in the lives of amazing people I encounter… and almost all my encounters are with amazing people.

Rome best hair dresser
Stefano and his friend Patrizio on the street leading to “TAZ,” the “Temporary Autonomous Zone” where Stefan works on just a few clients a day – so as to give them his full attention – and plans to soon sell “the most-excellent products for hair and skin.” Note that in Italy, friendships between straight men (as is the case here) are far more physical than in other countries I’ve visited.

“With every action we add or subtract to the goodness in the world.” So says Stefano Sillavi, as he gently brushes my hair, tangled and stiff from too much product in my perennial battle to make my curls look other than they naturally want to.

Have you ever had your head touched for an hour or more in a gentle way, as if the other’s fingers are sensing every centimeter of its shape and the texture and flow of each hair? I hadn’t, and it is a remarkable experience.

In a small shop in Trastevere, with an unassuming sign reading “TAZ,” I sit in front of a large framed oval mirror, crystal chandeliers hanging from the high plastered ceiling, as Stefan explains the nature of my hair and “what it wants to do.” He enthuses about its waves and flows how he will shape it, and why.

OK? Oh yes!

No one has ever taken the time to know my hair in this way, and then spoken about it with such knowledge and insight.

We move to the basin where he washes and conditions, continuing the constant hands-on movement of a skilled practitioner. Back to the mirror, he clips and snips and fluffs and dries, adding only a little oil to the hair itself.

Rome best hairstylist
Stefan Sillavi shaving his friend Patrizio who stops in for a visit.

We talk about consciousness and the practice of being present, and his work, to which he is devoted. He speaks with gratitude for a Japanese woman mentor he had in New York, where he studied and worked for seven years. His command of English, and philosophical bent, makes possible the depth of conversation we share.

At the end of two hours of having my head touched with such care, my hair shaped and fluffed, I felt I’d had a long, luxurious massage.

Touching and caressing the head is a sensuous and intimate action, which is perhaps why it is so seemingly rare. And unlike my countless previous haircuts – from a cheapo $8 SuperCuts to a $140 Vidal Sassoon cut in New York City – I’d never before left a salon feeling truly enamored of my hair and renewed, more confident, and more beautiful than ever.

I can say Stefano Sillavi is the best hairstylist in Rome, but he may be the best in the world!

Aysha Griffin with Stefan Cillavi, hair stylist Rome.
Stefano Sillavi and Yours Truly at TAZ… after a fabulous experience.

If you are planning a trip to Rome, or are in Rome, you can contact Stefan by phone or WhatsApp at: +39 388.759.7166. I will not quote his fee but it is very reasonable… even for just a haircut, which, as I’ve described, this is much more than simply that. He works his magic on men as well as women.

Have you ever had an extraordinary haircut experience? Please share in comments. I’ll write about my other “best finds” soon.

Opportunities and Challenges of Donald Trump’s Presidency

12 Comments Changing The World, Passion & Joy, Relationships

The world awoke to a surprising reality on Nov. 9, 2016, that a sleazy businessman – who has said and done the most outrageous, vulgar and hateful things – was elected the 45th President of the United States.

I wandered in a daze all day, under chilly gray skies, unable to focus. Everyone I passed seemed grim, as if a veil of sadness covered the usually sunny, colorful and friendly city. I felt I had entered a book I’d just published for a Young Adult author in Cuba about a cloudy city under the curse of a council of evil witches. I didn’t want to think what this might mean, but of course I knew – just as when I watched the Twin Towers fall – that today was a day that the universe changed.

Facebook friends from the U.S., Canada, England, Netherlands, Spain, Cuba and Mexico expressed extreme sorrow, anger, frustration, bewilderment, and reported even physical reactions like crying and vomiting. And then there were the voices for calm, hope, renewed commitment to values of equality, justice and freedom; and calls to actions of kindness and reconciliation.

What are the challenges?
brother and sister photoBesides the obvious of getting over our immediate reactions of shock, projections of the worst-case scenarios and commiserations of how badly we feel, we need to look out for one another. There are a lot of crazy and angry people who may feel they’ve been given carte blanche to vent. I don’t mean looking out for just our families and small circle of friends, but anyone who might be the victim of hateful or nasty words or deeds.

This same day, a petite blond woman friend was walking down the street, in our seemingly peaceful village of San Miguel de Allende, and a young Mexican dude screamed at her, “Regresa a su país!” (“Go home!”). She is home, a Mexican born and raised in San Miguel.

Anger is powerful, releasing all sorts of chemicals to the brain and body, like adrenaline and nonepinephrine, the same that are released when we feel threatened or unsafe; i.e., in fear. “… Our brains are wired in such a way as to influence us to act before we can properly consider the consequences of our actions. This is not an excuse for behaving badly – people can and do control their aggressive impulses and you can too with some practice. Instead, it means that learning to manage anger properly is a skill that has to be learned, instead of something we are born knowing how to do instinctually.” (From the “Physiology of Anger“)

We need to overcome our fears, old friends photorewire our thoughts and feelings by imagining and actively creating best-case scenarios. This stimulates all sorts of positive neurochemicals that let our bodies know it is safe to be expansive, to be creative, to love and be loved.

What are the opportunities?
For the “Tribe of the Kind and Conscious” – which you are by virtue of reading this – I think it means that we’re going to have to step up to the plate. It’s our turn at bat. How conscious are we really? How aware of the matrix? How willing to put aside our egos, our differences and our comfort zones?

All the years of practicing meditating, yoga, opening our minds and hearts, becoming vulnerable to feelings and aware of the difficulties of being human… now we get to put it to use in the world. Many of us are the elders, the ones who’ve lived through many battles – starting with our own demons. We’ve developed good communication skills, awareness and deep concern for the planet’s health and our own. We know a lot. And, most importantly, we know how to be kind, the meaning of compassion and the power of gratitude and love.

Everything is in crisis! So, how do you and I respond in a crisis? First-responders – those amazing EMTs, firemen, ER docs and nurses – are trained to know what to do, but their work usually involves a singular event, while the complexity of issues and real problems facing all life on earth is extraordinary. Never has the human race been at this point, and you and I are here. What will we make of this? What will we do now?

We could follow Garrison Keilor’s wry advice in today’s Washington Post OpEd piece: ” … let the Republicans build the wall and carry on the trade war with China and deport the undocumented and deal with opioids, and we Democrats can go for a long, brisk walk and smell the roses.” Or, we can exercise our passions, our wisdom and our hearts to collaborate, cooperate, believe in the power of kindness, compassion and love, and support one another in creating, as author Charles Eisenstein calls it, “The more beautiful world our hearts can imagine.” Why not? What better do we have to do?

If you saw yourself as a most-powerful being, what beautiful world would your heart imagine? Please leave a comment below.

beach at sunset, beautiful world

Thoughts of Spring and Transformation

0 Comments Passion & Joy, Relationships
Jacaranda perennially marks spring in San Miguel de Allende
Purple jacaranda perennially marks the advent of spring in San Miguel de Allende

I have wondered how to start up again to craft blog posts when my days are full of work commitments and my own projects and preparing for travels and traveling and engaging with the people and tasks before me and trying to stay in direct touch with the many incredible friends who grace my life.

And then here, a new friend, Sue Aran – whom I’ve met only via email, via an introduction from a mutual friend and hope to encounter this summer in the life she is constructing in France – writes this stunningly beautiful post, and I get to “reblog” it to you. I hope you will visit her site and subscribe, as I aspire to the depth of insight and beauty she shares so graciously.

May you appreciate and enjoy the growth, transformation and waking up to this Time of Your Life!

More soon, with love,
Aysha

Knocking on Heaven’s Door

April 4, 2014 by sue

Read the original at: http://lestroisamies.wordpress.com/2014/04/04/knocking-on-heavens-door/#comment-441

“You can cut all of the flowers, but you cannot stop spring from coming.” ~ Pablo Neruda

IMG_0060.JPG

Last week the Vent d’Autun winds swept through southern Gascony stirring up portentous changes.  Like the infamous Mistral winds in Provence, they can make you crazy.  I found myself poised on a roller coaster dreading the inevitable drop, an existential free fall though doors of chaos, at once on top of the world and overwhelmed by the moment.  For days I felt like I was hovering in the eye of a storm…until I let go.  While looking for the meaning of life, I rediscovered the joy of being alive.  Thich Nhat Hanh says, “Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.”

Knocker

The beginning of spring has unleashed a whirlwind of transformation, a turning point in the complex landscape of life.  Even the heavens are conspiring against us this month with a rare combination of 2 eclipses – a lunar eclipse on April 15th (which will only be seen in North America) and a solar eclipse on April 29th (which will only be seen in Australia) – and, a powerful alignment of stars celled a Cardinal Grand Cross.  We will be given many choices – to stay stuck or grow, resist or surrender, stay asleep or wake up.

IMG_1418

The Buddha says that everything dear to us causes pain.  Everything dear to us changes.  Every experience is a door that can open your heart, as every door is an entry to somewhere else.  The older I get the more I’m getting used to losses, the more I’m reminded that our lives are precious.  It’s not that there’s so little time, it’s that we waste so much of it.

IMG_0681.JPG

We all have the ability to transform the trials of our lives into revelations, our pain into growth.  In doing so, our lives become our practice.  In the Iliad, Homer said that the gods envy us because we’re human, because any moment may be our last, because we will never be here again.

After knocking on heaven’s door

the sea of life set me adrift

and I turned like a boat on a river

without oars.

The winds of change

blew me off course

until I surrendered

brimming with wonder

on to the other shore.

In Loving Memory of Simone Griffling

1 Comment Relationships

Simone Griffling
(December 21, 2003 – February 23, 2013)

On New Year’s eve, 2003, I asked a group gathered at our Santa Fe, NM home, “What would you like in the new year?” David answered, “A dog.” Little did he know he was soon to have not just “a dog,” but the most extradordinary Standard Poodle, who touched the lives of all who encountered her and left us heartbroken in her passing.

The choice of a Standard Poodle was the result of high praise for the breed from our close friend, Anne Clark, who had grown up with Standards, and the fact that the one thing we did not miss, from our previous Lab/Dalmation mix, was shedding. “But I hate they way they look!” said David. “It’s just a haircut, honey,” I reassured. And thus began our search.  READ MORE

 

Letting Go

8 Comments Passion & Joy, Relationships

SHE LET GO…

As we say adios to 2011, reflecting on what is past, envisioning what lies ahead, and cultivating Presence and gratitude in the Now, this beautiful poem (below) was sent to me by Michael Sudheer (check out his website for fabulous photos of San Miguel de Allende). I share with you these profound words and my wishes for your experience in 2012 to be that of abundant health, joy, love; and that you inhabit your dreams!

 

 

She Let Go
Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of fear.
She let go of judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.
Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice.
She didn’t read a book on how to let go.
She just let go.
She let go of all the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She  didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.
She made no public announcement.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t utter one word.
She just let go.
No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort.  There was no struggle.  It wasn’t good.  It wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.
Here’s to giving ourselves the gift of letting go…
There’s only one guru ~ you.

Dr. Ernest Holmes
Founder, Science of Mind

Getting Your Needs Met

5 Comments Passion & Joy, Relationships

We all have needs for attention, appreciation, affection and acceptance. But we vary individually in HOW we want those needs to be fulfilled, our capacity to receive, and our ability to express them clearly, so they might be met.

Feeling our needs are not met leads to resentments, anger, sadness, pain, distress, discomfort, constriction and fear… the opposite of the feelings/emotions we yearn to experience: joy, pleasure, comfort, relief and love.

There are three key components, or reasons, our needs are not met:

1. The other person is not able. It is not within their capacity, and therefore it is usually easy to accept that reality. For example, you wouldn’t expect someone with back problems to help you lift heavy boxes, or someone who likes staying home to accompany you on a long trip.

However, problems arise when we don’t accept what another knows or perceives as his/her limitations or truth. We may try to convince, cajole or otherwise disrespect the answer we receive to our request. As Byron Katie says, “Any time you argue with reality, you create your own suffering.” When someone says, “I can’t,” believe them and move on to someone who “can.”

2. Your needs are in conflict with the other’s needs (and vice versa). Meaning, simply, that you have different needs. This is especially important to understand as it also speaks to the reality of things and accepting our real differences.

If your needs are at odds (in conflict with) another person’s, and we respect our self, their needs are also to be respected. If we say, “I need you to accompany me” and the other says they have a previous commitment, our ego might go to a wounded place of feeling unappreciated, unaccepted, unloved. “Aren’t I – my needs – more important than yours?” In fact, no, they are not. They are your needs, and therefore your responsibility to get met.

The beauty of understanding the reality of both #1 and #2, which are essentially the same: hearing and accepting “I can’t” from another, is that there is no blame. Each of us is different, and we let our self and others off the hook when we take sole responsibility for meeting our own needs.

While we delight when someone can meet our needs and their needs are in alignment with ours, we can also take pleasure in knowing we are free to respond to a “no” or “can’t” with: “Thanks, I’ll take care of my needs elsewhere.”

3. You have not clearly communicated your needs. This is the crux of the matter and accounts for perhaps 90% of why you are not getting your needs met. Asking clearly for what we want takes a great deal of conscious communication.

It means knowing what you need, and not waffling just to please another or expecting them to martyr them self or compromise their needs for you (which inevitably leads to ill feelings because their needs are not met).

It means being confident that you deserve to have your needs met.

It means be willing to have the other respond that they are either not able or not interested… and not taking their response personally, as if you are unworthy. That is just not true, and thinking that should act as a big indicator that you need to give your self more attention, appreciation, affection and acceptance.

It means loving your self enough to tell the truth about what you need, and accepting that another person may not be able to give it to you (or at this time, or perhaps ever)… but at least you have given them the opportunity to hear your request and respond honestly.

You CAN get your needs met. You must know them, communicate them clearly, and find the people who able and freely willing to say, “Yes!” Then, it’s up to you to appreciate your self and the other, hearing and reciprocating (as you are capable and choose to) to their needs.

May you live fearlessly, passionately, joyfully!

Aysha is a certified business and relationship coach. For the winter 2011/2012, she is offering a special price for personal coaching via phone or Skype. For more info, see: AyshaGriffin.com

A New Thanksgiving, Without Defenses

2 Comments Relationships

I like to think of Thanksgiving as a time for openly expressing gratitude for the abundance and love in our lives. And yet stresses of the holiday season can easily reignite old wounds and a sense of needing to defend our self against the judgments or negativity of others, especially those closest to us.

Usually, we jump to the conclusion that it is that person or this situation that triggers our defensiveness and shuts down our hearts and new possibilities. But, I think the only reason triggers or “buttons” exist is because of old, unexamined and unhealed wounds; usually from our early childhood. How, then, can we heal these, so our present experience is not distorted by our mental and nervous system memory of the past?

If we can observe our defenses as a signal of places within us that need more love; if we can realize that we developed these defenses to survive and feel safe in stressful situations and that they once served us but do not any longer; if we can allow the time and curiosity to excavate the sources of where we have shut down to protect our hearts; if we can forgive our self for the ways we developed to cope that have tripped us up, or trapped us into patterned responses in adulthood; if we can bring appreciation to our unique spirit and embrace that no matter how alone we may feel – or in fact are – we always have our Self… I believe we can discover a new level of freedom, a new level of thanksgiving.

I wish this for you and me. I wish us the blessings of abiding connection to our highest self and appreciation for this Life that we each uniquely embody. HAPPY DAY OF THANKSGIVING!

*          *          *          *          *

More About Defenses

Greg Newman, body-centered life coach and my colleague from the Hendrick’s Institute training (in 1999), has identified some of the most common defenses that occur in close relationship and his suggestions for defusing them. The following is reprinted, with permission, from his monthly newsletter:

Judging/Criticizing; Intellectualizing/Analyzing; Denying; Changing the subject; Going silent/stonewalling; Going numb; Getting righteous; Blaming; Making a joke; Justifying; Getting dramatic; Freezing; Fleeing; Getting sleepy.

When I first started to notice all my different ways of defending in my relationship with my wife June, I was shocked. Defending was my knee-jerk reaction whenever any stress or conflict arose between us. I noticed I was even defending during times of peace and closeness. I was so bound up in my defenses that being “undefended” and open-to-learning was a missing experience in my life.

To defuse my defenses I first had to become conscious of them. If you’re interested in more learning and love, I invite you to consider doing the same. Start by opening your awareness to the specific defenses that show up for you in your interactions with your partner and with others.

For example, your partner might say to you, “I’d like to talk with you about something.”  Immediately you hold your breath then change the subject…”Hey, did you remember to pick up some mustard at the store today?”

Rather than opening up to what your partner wants to talk to you about, and what you might learn from it, you’ve gone into defending. So, identifying what defense you’re in is the first step. Then you can begin to notice “how” you create and maintain the defense in your body.

In other words, how are you shaping your awareness, breath, posture and movement to form and act out the defense? For example, you might go blank, tighten your body or go slack, go numb or rev up, get silent or raise your voice, depending on what defense you are constructing at that moment. If you’re perceptive, it can be like watching a slow-motion film: first you sense the birth of the defense inside of you, then you feel it moving through your nervous system and solidifying in your body. Then you act it out with your partner.

This is an unconscious process for most people. But the sooner you can become aware that a defense is forming inside of you, the sooner you can interrupt this normally unconscious process and open to new creative possibilities.

Typically, when one partner goes into a defense, the other partner reacts by going into a defense of their own. For example, you might defend by withdrawing after your partner goes into blame. Or your partner might defend by getting very loud and dramatic when you’re being stonewalling. When this happens, you have two defenses playing out, rather than two people relating to each other. For some couples, the basis of their relationship is the day-to-day interplay of their defenses.

When you notice yourself defending, it can be very helpful to say to your partner “I notice that I’m defending.” And then to name your defense. For example, “I’ve gone into my blaming defense.”

Bringing consciousness to your defenses and communicating them to your partner in the moment can start to shift the unconscious patterns of defense that play out in most relationships.

If you’d like to defuse your defenses, take three steps this week:

1. Notice when your defenses emerge in your relationship with your partner.

2. Identify the defense (judging, spacing out, justifying your position, etc.) and communicate it to your partner.

3. Tune in to how you’re shaping your defense in your body (what you’re doing with your awareness, breath, posture, movement, voice, etc. that creates and maintains the defense).

The more you can become conscious of your defenses, the easier  it becomes to shift out of them and back into learning and love again.

The Body-Centered Coach is copyright 2011 by Greg Newman. Since 1995, Gregory Newman, MS, has coached individuals and couples in body-centered skills that have made it easier for their lives, relationships and careers to blossom. Greg coaches over-the-phone and in-person and can be reached at 608-274-6962 or greg@bodycenteredcoach.com

Day of Alignment and Forgiveness

2 Comments Health & Fitness, Passion & Joy, Relationships

The Second Greatest Alignment Day In The History Of The Earth

One is the number of individuality, undivided, pure, soverign, united, harmonious. Alignment means: a state of agreement or cooperation among persons, groups, nations, etc., with a common cause or viewpoint. In terms of self, it means integrating, embracing, loving all the various parts, which often requires forgiveness to accomplish.

Today is, by our calendar, a very special day for considering the meaning of One. I share with you some thoughts from an email by Mark Ivar Myhre, author of Emotional Times, with his kind permission. I would love to hear what the meaning of Oneness, and this day, means to you. (Please leave your comments below).

I don’t know much about numerology but I do see all those ones, and here’s what I’m seeing: The time between 11:11 AM and 11:11 PM on November 11 2011 will be a high energy time to work on yourself.  The second greatest alignment date in the history of the earth, after Nov 11, 1111, which is obviously the first.  But we’re here now.  So let’s do it now.

Nothing but ones.  What does that mean?  Oneness.  Wholeness. Complete.  And new beginnings.  And most of all, it means alignment.
How can I get aligned with myself?
How can I be true?
How can I be one with myself?

It starts with processing. Which usually means getting out paper and pen and just writing stuff down.  Get it out of you.  Get it out.  Write until you can’t write anymore.

Then you’ve got something to work with, on this day of becoming more of who you are.  Do your processing, by writing out whatever is on your mind.  It should flow out of you easily this day.

Then, after spending 20 minutes or more letting your feelings and thoughts flow out on paper, take a break for a little while. Give it an hour.  Then look back over what you’re written with a sharper eye, compliments of this ‘alignment date’.  Let the enhanced energy of this day put a razor’s edge to your vision and comprehension.

Look at what you’ve written.  Look for the voice of the ‘lesser’ in you. Look for the whine.  Look for the part of your consciousness that is whining on the paper.  Get a sense of the part of you that is adrift.  It’s drifted off into pity or martyr or blame or rage or pain or guilt or shame or…

A part of you.  It’s become separate, but now it’s time to reunite. Realign.  Get in alignment.  Here’s how:

You want to understand this part of you as much as you can.  It should be a little easier to do this today.  Your senses should be enhanced, at least a little bit.  So seek to understand the consciousness behind the words you’ve written on the pages.  Most likely it will be a scared child or a scared adolescent, or have
some sort of flavor of youth to it.

And it might be angry.  It might even be angry at you.  Whatever it is, you want to love it and accept it and embrace it as much as you can.  “This is me.”

Take ownership of yourself.

Love yourself, as you also love this part of you.

Can you see this part of you – as a shape or a face or a light or an image or a color or a radiance of energy?  Can you hear it? Can you feel it?  Can you get a sense of what or who it is?

Now, after letting it speak on paper, after getting a sense of it, after understanding it, after loving it…

Now, forgive it.

“I understand, you separated from me, out of the pain and shame and fear and anger…  It was too intense, so you had to separate.  I couldn’t handle it.  So you took the hit for me.  You took the burden.  You took my pain… and my intensity.”

You say.  “And now,” you add, “I’m going to make it right.  I’m going to take responsibility for what I’ve created… for what I’ve done.

“And therefore, I forgive you; I forgive myself for creating the circumstances that caused you to break off from me, and I forgive you for living it.”

And after the forgiveness, the two of you merge into one, which you can do just by imagining some sort of image of this part of your consciousness in front of you, and then walking into it.  Or it walks into you.  Or both.

One.  Oneness.  Becoming whole.  That’s what this day is about. And this is just one way you can work with the energy to help yourself to become more of who you are, and less of who you are not.

Mark Ivar Myhre
The Emotional Healing Wizard

For tons of articles and information on healing by Mark Ivar Myhre –
http://www.emotional-times.com

Want to talk in private with Mark? For details, click here –
http://www.join-the-fun.com/consult-with-me.html

Learning To Love A Cat

7 Comments Relationships

I was dreaming of galloping on horseback across the Russian steppes, a la Doctor Zhivago, in a big fur coat and hat, when I awoke to find Frijol, the cat, draped over my head on the pillow.

The “Cat As A Hat”… what would Dr. Seuss would say about that?

He might say I was fortunate,
that rather than synthetic knit,
I should have in dreamtime writ
the comfort of a furry kit.

I have only known Frijol for 6 weeks, since I moved in with him in a modern-style home in a centrally located upscale colonia (neighborhood). Frijol’s person, Carlos, travels a lot for work and pleasure, and kindly invited me to pet sit.  As far as Carlos is concerned, there is nothing to this job besides providing food, fresh water, the occasional delactated milk and scooping out the litter box. As far as Frijol is concerned, I am his hired hands and devoted companion. Clearly, it is my job to provide a comfortable lap to sit on, hands to stroke his soft, lithe body, fingers to be nibbled upon, arms to burrow into… and acceptance that my clothes will be covered in white fur.

Having exclusively adored several canines throughout my adult life, I have not been in the company of a feline in a long time and, of course, each one is different. But this Frijol (“Bean”) is a young, enthusiastic being, entertaining me with his self-absorbed play: rolling a cork around the floor, boxing with the string from a hoodie, crawling into every open cabinet and drawer. He waits patiently for me to stroke him, sits at length staring at something or nothing, and is a riot a bed (oolala!). He hides under the folds of the duvet. I toss him in the air to the other side of the bed and he rushes back at me to be tossed again. This goes on until I tired of the game and then he slinks onto my breast as I read, and curls up under my chin or wraps him self, like a stole, around my shoulders. He is a sleek fashion accessory with a soothing ‘white noise’ engine. Purrrrr.

Unlike a dog, Frijol-the-cat does not run to greet me wagging and ‘talking,’ rushing to get a toy to show and begging for acknowledgment. But, when he notices I am home, he says ‘hello’ (or ‘hola,’ being a Mexican cat) in his Siamese-y meow, and eventually he struts over for a caress. But it is in the night, through those long hours of dark and dream, his big-cat spirit is there beside me, nestled in the crook of my knee, stretched out along the length of my belly, or wrapped around my head like a comfy Cossack hat. I am grateful not only for this comfortable, secure house in which to have stayed, but for Frijol, my special feline friend, who has taught me to appreciate the value of his companionship, and what a fair trade is our care for one another!

Here is a parting Seuss-inspired thought:

Wherever your Youville
Your friends big and small,
furless and furry,
be good to them all.
Today, as the sun attempts to be sunny,
I hope you have lots of good fun that is funny!

 

 

 

Kissing A Boo-Boo

5 Comments Changing The World, Passion & Joy, Relationships

I did not turn on a light in the dark hallway last night and  scraped the back of my hand pretty hard against a door knob (ouch!). My automatic response was to put my hand to my mouth and hold it against my lips. I naturally kissed the boo-boo, as my mother had done when I was a child, applying love to a wound.

Children know that the kiss may be a distraction, but the love overrides the fear, and minimizes the trauma; the carelessness of our self, or another. Loving a wound eases the pain, by acknowledging it. It also establishes connection.

As an “adult,” I have often tried to ignore pain, curse it, or minimize it.  I mean, who needs it? But obviously I need, from time to time; to be shaken up, stunned and otherwise awakened to carelessness, usually because I’m hiding from something, some fear I don’t want to have to love. That’s scary stuff.

It’s easier to just keep injuring an old familiar wound that’s never been kissed, than to face it, forgive my carelessness, kiss it with compassion, and allow it to heal completely. I can analyze endlessly all the bits of past story stored to explain and justify the wound that caused the pain that I’ve “learned to live with.”  But love doesn’t need to understand the reasons; it just wants to love.

The metaphorical Band-aids I’ve used to cover-up fears have been stripped off in San Miguel to expose some inner places that need love. I’ve had to acknowledge and forgive myself for continuing to rewound old pains, until I could finally ignore them no longer… part of being a human!

No matter where I think love originates, I possess it in and for my own self; the ideas and the feelings reside within this mind and body, which is all I can control. The extent to which I seek and accept the love I am capable of evoking for this being I call me, is the extent to which I am discovering a new level of acceptance and peace. I sense that what comes with this freedom from fear to accept love more fully, is the joyful aliveness of the responsibility for it.

So, tonight, alone, (with no one to complain to), I was pleased to see that my natural response to my physical pain was to love it, to apply a strong kiss. I smiled to myself for not turning on the light, which was the obvious and smart thing to do; and so I was careless, reckless even, with my own wellbeing. And then, in yet another gesture of self-love, I sat down to write because writing, for me, is a practice that is full of care, and through which I want to explore and honor the ways I see myself and others waking up to love.

I hope that we all, more often, remember to turn on the light and kiss our boo-boos with affection and compassion.