Category Changing The World

What Should I Wear?

May 11, 2020 2 Comments Changing The World, Health & Fitness, Passion & Joy

What Should I Wear? (and life’s other big questions )

NOTE TO INHABIT YOUR DREAMS READERS: Greetings from Catalunya! Before beginning this blog post, I want to explain what happened about a week ago. This website mysteriously disappeared. My trusted web manager, Margie Baxley of Geek Websites, was able to restore it from backup. That auto-generated a mailing and you received an old blog post from me (and IggyMo), written about Girona’s annual Temps de Flors event almost a year ago. Unfortunately, like so much that was, the event was canceled this year due to Covid-19 and the general lockdown in Spain, in its 9th week as of this writing. I apologise for any confusion and hope you enjoy this light-hearted piece I wrote a while back but hadn’t yet published. I welcome your comments and look forward to hearing from you! With love, Aysha

I love textiles… textures, colors, patterns, and clothing styles from many cultures and eras. Lucky for me, I also love second-hand stores and charity shops, so I can indulge in occasional “shopping therapy,” usually without spending more than a lunch out, and easily acquire and give away whole wardrobes. But acquiring clothes isn’t the problem.

I’ve had plenty of clothes in my life, as I’m guessing you have too.

I once lived in the same house for 10 years and collected all manner of clothing and accessories to fill a glorious walk-through closet, the size of a small bedroom. It had built-in closet organizers — bars of varying heights, drawers, shelves, places for scarfs and pendants, belts, bags, shoes, even hats! I was so organized that I even used hangars of the same size and color so it looked uniformly fabulous. And this before Marie Kondo was out of diapers. So, organization was not the problem.

But some mornings, nay most mornings, I’d stand naked amid all these marvelously organized pieces of colorful cloth, and stare in total bewilderment… often for an embarrassing and disconcertingly long time.

Now, stating the obvious: to have this “problem” of what to wear is a sign of great privilege, worthy of appreciation and not to be taken too seriously, lest we forget that underneath this game of dress-up, we are all naked apes.

This reality check aside, for those of us with closets full of colors, patterns, textures and styles of dresses, skirts, pants, shorts, shirts, blouses, sweaters, jackets, from casual to formal and season specific, plus undergarments and all manner of accessories, the perennial and often overwhelming challenge, is not only, “What should I wear?” but
What can I wear?
What fits?
What looks good on me?

And what matches the fabulous hand-embroidered bellbottoms from Mexico I’ve never worn?

Being unable to quickly and easily answer these questions-to-self wastes a lot of time and psychic energy, and can even evoke emotions of despair and self-loathing.

Is there not some madness in this dilemma? And does it not speak to the ways we may have so complicated our lives that making clear and simple decisions becomes a source of anxiety rather than joy?

Eight years ago I embarked on an uncharted journey into an uncertain future, with no known closets. I divested myself of all possessions except what would fit into three suitcases (two large, one carry-on). Saying goodbye to nearly everything and everyone was like a conscious death, and the well-worn maxim, “You can’t take it with you,” played a mournful but strangely liberating refrain.

In deciding which clothes, shoes and accessories to bring, I realized the answer to “what to wear?” lay in coordinated outfits.

The significance of clothing

But before getting into details of applying “coordinating principles” to your wardrobe, let’s consider the scope of the significance of clothing. The story of humanity can be tracked by its story. From grasses and fronds to animal skins and furs; from the discovery of silk and dyes to the cultivation of animals, cotton and fibers; from the invention of needles-and-thread to looms, the cotton gin, mechanized production, synthetics and an online global marketplace. The fabrics with which we cloth our bodies connect us both to history, and to our present, complex world.

I’d like to continue musing about our relationship to clothing:
Why is what you wear important?
How can you have a healthy, happy relationship with your wardrobe, and everything you own?

But first, here are three essential principles you must understand for choosing clothing and coordinating outfits that look and feel great.

Essential principles

Your body type. There are four basic body types or shapes. It’s obvious which you are, and knowing this helps make choices about what styles of clothes generally look best on your type. No body type is better or worse than another; it’s simply about accentuating your best attributes and minimizing your less-than-best to create a balanced — and more attractive — look. For a basic understanding of body types and the best styles of clothing for each, click here.– Apple: (triangle downward) broader shoulders and bust, and narrower hips
– Pear: (triangle upward) hip measurements are greater than bust measurements
– Banana: (straight/rectangular) waist measurement is less than 9 inches smaller than the hip or bust measurement.
– Hour glass: (triangles opposing, facing in) hip and bust are almost of equal size, with a narrow waist.

This pear-shaped author’s note to Apple and Pear-shaped bodies: “skinny leg” pants are for skinny legs attached to skinny butts and waists. Also, if you are not tall, thin and fit, please don’t wear leggings without a top that comes to at least the middle of your thighs. If you have a waistline worth showing off, add a belt.

Your personal style. Whether you know it or not, you already have a style. Of course, you can choose to change it, and often, as we age and/or our lifestyle changes, so does our style. There are many websites that explain this and offer quizzes and tips. Here’s one. This site also has sections on discovering your colors and building your wardrobe.
Your best colors. Just because you like a color, or it’s what’s being pushed this season, does not mean it looks good with your skin tone and hair color, or that the cut is in your style. For example, last year’s summer yellows and winter grays were “the worst” for this olive-skinned-gold-jewelry-wearing woman. To learn more about what colors combine well, check out this site and see her Pinterest illustration.

Once you know what styles and colors work best with your body type, personality and lifestyle, it’s a lot easier to create outfits that take the mystery out of “What should I wear?”

Your Clothes Want To “Speak to You”

We tend to think about objects in our home as “just things,” but consider this: You chose each item, brought it home, gave it a place to live, are responsible for it and, in essence, are in relationship with it. So, what if you approached these things as if sentient beings, like a dog or cat, or even a friend?

Most fashion consultants use a standard objective approach to decluttering and organising a wardrobe with criteria like: if you haven’t worn it in a year, or it doesn’t fit now, or if it needs repairs, etc. This is not “wrong,” but it is solely cerebral, devoid of emotion, and takes no account of the relationship we have with our things. If they didn’t matter, they wouldn’t be in our life… and indeed, many things hold little appreciation by us and are best to bid “adios.”

When you stand in the closet asking, “What should I wear?” do you listen for a reply? Seriously, I believe our clothes want to “speak” us. But, as with any relationship, we must spend time with them, touch them, hold them up and look at them.

You can ask them intelligent questions and listen open-heartedly to their answer. “Do you really like being on my body?” “Do you want to spend the whole day with me?” “Do you want to attend my business meeting… or walk around the lake, or my trip to the grocery store or to Rome?”

I’ve had clothes tell me, “I’m not comfortable on you.” “I fit you perfectly, but you obviously don’t like red pants.” “I know you haven’t worn me yet, but you bought me for a special occasion and I’d like to hang around longer and hope that occasion arises.”

Every day, once or more, we have this great luxury to decide which costume to don to reflect our sense of self… to our self (that beloved image in the mirror) and to the world in which we interact.

A closet full of clothes without outfits…
is like a scavenger hunt without clues!

Ignoring the ever-shifting tides of fashion, I care about dressing comfortably in my colours and style, which could be call “Bohemian chic.” As a woman of a certain age, I’ve learned that now, more than ever, my daily “costumes” — whether at home or out-and-about — play huge role in how I feel. They are part of the theatre of my life.

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the theatre of our lives, especially since entering my “Third Act,” (you can read about the new focus of my work), but most poignant is that as long as we are alive we are always on stage… scripting, designing, directing, producing and starring in this unique improvisational show.

The challenge of having a closet full of clothes and “nothing to wear” is not a lack of imagination. It’s a lack of curation.

The challenge of having a closet full of clothes and “nothing to wear”, or wearing the same clothes again and again, is not a lack of imagination. It’s a lack of curation, defined as “the action or process of selecting, organizing, and looking after the items in a collection or exhibition.” To wisely curate a collection, we must know what it’s about — the theme, the focus and the messages and emotions we hope to convey, to ourselves and whomever we encounter.

Curating our wardrobe is part of curating every aspect of our lives — from the food we buy and how we prepare it, to the way we arrange and decorate our spaces, to the information, people and activities to which we choose to give our time, attention and care. (Related to this subject, I recommend this free eBook by Jan H. Croteau, Hanging With Art: Make Every Room Extraordinary).

Ultimately, the question, “What should I wear?”, also begs the bigger life questions of self-identity and definition, like,
“What do I love?”
“What do I value?”
“What gives me joy?”

Although each of us must answer these questions for herself, not everyone has the time, interest or confidence to design and coordinate their wardrobe, living spaces, or healthy regimes; ergo the demand for services of designers, consultants and coaches who can help curate what we have to work with, maximising and exhibiting it to its personal and public best.

If you’ve read this far…

Thank you. I’ve covered a lot of ground here. It seems no matter what challenges we have — from the seemingly mundane, like how you dress, to more pressing matters like health, relationships, money — they all offer opportunities for greater self-knowing, and the satisfying expression of our most kind and compassionate selves.

I’d love if you’d leave a comment, even if just to let me know you’ve spent time with me here.

May I help?

If you’d like me to write more about any of the aspects covered in this article, email me or mention in a comment. If I may offer any help to you or a friend, contact me to schedule a free 30-minute coaching conversation. I’d love to hear from you!

“Aysha Griffin is a much-acclaimed coach who can help you to grow a business, start or complete a creative project, get a handle on your finances or, yes, curate your wardrobe. And to make it fun, you can do it via live video connection.” — Judith Fein

Opportunities and Challenges of Donald Trump’s Presidency

November 10, 2016 12 Comments Changing The World, Passion & Joy, Relationships

The world awoke to a surprising reality on Nov. 9, 2016, that a sleazy businessman – who has said and done the most outrageous, vulgar and hateful things – was elected the 45th President of the United States.

I wandered in a daze all day, under chilly gray skies, unable to focus. Everyone I passed seemed grim, as if a veil of sadness covered the usually sunny, colorful and friendly city. I felt I had entered a book I’d just published for a Young Adult author in Cuba about a cloudy city under the curse of a council of evil witches. I didn’t want to think what this might mean, but of course I knew – just as when I watched the Twin Towers fall – that today was a day that the universe changed.

Facebook friends from the U.S., Canada, England, Netherlands, Spain, Cuba and Mexico expressed extreme sorrow, anger, frustration, bewilderment, and reported even physical reactions like crying and vomiting. And then there were the voices for calm, hope, renewed commitment to values of equality, justice and freedom; and calls to actions of kindness and reconciliation.

What are the challenges?
brother and sister photo Besides the obvious of getting over our immediate reactions of shock, projections of the worst-case scenarios and commiserations of how badly we feel, we need to look out for one another. There are a lot of crazy and angry people who may feel they’ve been given carte blanche to vent. I don’t mean looking out for just our families and small circle of friends, but anyone who might be the victim of hateful or nasty words or deeds.

This same day, a petite blond woman friend was walking down the street, in our seemingly peaceful village of San Miguel de Allende, and a young Mexican dude screamed at her, “Regresa a su país!” (“Go home!”). She is home, a Mexican born and raised in San Miguel.

Anger is powerful, releasing all sorts of chemicals to the brain and body, like adrenaline and nonepinephrine, the same that are released when we feel threatened or unsafe; i.e., in fear. “… Our brains are wired in such a way as to influence us to act before we can properly consider the consequences of our actions. This is not an excuse for behaving badly – people can and do control their aggressive impulses and you can too with some practice. Instead, it means that learning to manage anger properly is a skill that has to be learned, instead of something we are born knowing how to do instinctually.” (From the “Physiology of Anger“)

We need to overcome our fears, old friends photo rewire our thoughts and feelings by imagining and actively creating best-case scenarios. This stimulates all sorts of positive neurochemicals that let our bodies know it is safe to be expansive, to be creative, to love and be loved.

What are the opportunities?
For the “Tribe of the Kind and Conscious” – which you are by virtue of reading this – I think it means that we’re going to have to step up to the plate. It’s our turn at bat. How conscious are we really? How aware of the matrix? How willing to put aside our egos, our differences and our comfort zones?

All the years of practicing meditating, yoga, opening our minds and hearts, becoming vulnerable to feelings and aware of the difficulties of being human… now we get to put it to use in the world. Many of us are the elders, the ones who’ve lived through many battles – starting with our own demons. We’ve developed good communication skills, awareness and deep concern for the planet’s health and our own. We know a lot. And, most importantly, we know how to be kind, the meaning of compassion and the power of gratitude and love.

Everything is in crisis! So, how do you and I respond in a crisis? First-responders – those amazing EMTs, firemen, ER docs and nurses – are trained to know what to do, but their work usually involves a singular event, while the complexity of issues and real problems facing all life on earth is extraordinary. Never has the human race been at this point, and you and I are here. What will we make of this? What will we do now?

We could follow Garrison Keilor’s wry advice in today’s Washington Post OpEd piece: ” … let the Republicans build the wall and carry on the trade war with China and deport the undocumented and deal with opioids, and we Democrats can go for a long, brisk walk and smell the roses.” Or, we can exercise our passions, our wisdom and our hearts to collaborate, cooperate, believe in the power of kindness, compassion and love, and support one another in creating, as author Charles Eisenstein calls it, “The more beautiful world our hearts can imagine.” Why not? What better do we have to do?

If you saw yourself as a most-powerful being, what beautiful world would your heart imagine? Please leave a comment below.

beach at sunset, beautiful world

A Writers’ Journey To Cuba

July 13, 2015 3 Comments Changing The World, Travel

Casa de Alba, Havana, Cuban writers — Me speaking about the future of digital publishing on a panel at Casa de Alba, Havana.

October 7-14, 2015

Those who know me know that I fell into an unlikely and unexpected relationship with the island nation 90 miles south of Miami, which is a mystery to most U.S. citizens. Due to my experience with digital publishing, I was invited by the Cuban Book Institute in late 2013 to share with publishers, editors and authors what is common in most of the rest of the world, and as yet largely inaccessible to them. I took the opportunity to spend 3 months there.

Although Cuba rightly boasts some of the most beautiful beaches in the world, areas of stunning lakes and mountains, UNESCO-designated cities and a complicated hostory all its own, what sets it apart from other Caribbean Islands is not only its socialism and isolation from 21st century technology, but the highly-literate population of 11 million and the plethora of creative and genuinely welcoming individuals who celebrate life . As one author/cardiologist said to me, “Thank you taking an interest in us. We have nothing to offer you but our friendship.” Indeed, the friendships formed with some of Cuba’s top writers, senior professors and cultural center directors are among the most profound in my life.

UNEAC La Habana, Cuban writers, visit Cuba — Conversations with a few of Cuba’s leading authors in the garden at UNEAC (the Union of Writres and Artists) in Havana. Can you imagine yourself here? It will be part of the Writers’ Journey to Cuba!

In hearing my stories, several writer friends from North America asked if I would create a tour that offers similiar profound engagement with Cuba’s literati and so, after much planning and coordination, working with Altruvistas – a travel service with a long and well-respected reputation of organizing legal trips to Cuba for American associations, academic and other groups – I am delighted to offer the Writers’ Journey To Cuba. Please click the link to read about it.

It is the first delegation of its kind to Cuba, and offers two pricing options – including a charter from Miami or land-only (for those coming from Mexico, Europe or elsewhere).

Altruvistas also wrote a short piece about this unique Tour, which might give you more insight. I would greatly appreciate if you’d pass it along to your writer friends, bibliophiles and social networks… you never know to whose heart and mind this might speak. A huge thank you to those who have!

Prior articles I’ve posted on Cuba: Visiting Havana and Visit Cuba Resources.

Please contact me with any questions or concerns. Your comments, as always, welcome below.

Kissing A Boo-Boo

October 20, 2011 5 Comments Changing The World, Passion & Joy, Relationships

I did not turn on a light in the dark hallway last night and scraped the back of my hand pretty hard against a door knob (ouch!). My automatic response was to put my hand to my mouth and hold it against my lips. I naturally kissed the boo-boo, as my mother had done when I was a child, applying love to a wound.

Children know that the kiss may be a distraction, but the love overrides the fear, and minimizes the trauma; the carelessness of our self, or another. Loving a wound eases the pain, by acknowledging it. It also establishes connection.

As an “adult,” I have often tried to ignore pain, curse it, or minimize it. I mean, who needs it? But obviously I need, from time to time; to be shaken up, stunned and otherwise awakened to carelessness, usually because I’m hiding from something, some fear I don’t want to have to love. That’s scary stuff.

It’s easier to just keep injuring an old familiar wound that’s never been kissed, than to face it, forgive my carelessness, kiss it with compassion, and allow it to heal completely. I can analyze endlessly all the bits of past story stored to explain and justify the wound that caused the pain that I’ve “learned to live with.” But love doesn’t need to understand the reasons; it just wants to love.

The metaphorical Band-aids I’ve used to cover-up fears have been stripped off in San Miguel to expose some inner places that need love. I’ve had to acknowledge and forgive myself for continuing to rewound old pains, until I could finally ignore them no longer… part of being a human!

No matter where I think love originates, I possess it in and for my own self; the ideas and the feelings reside within this mind and body, which is all I can control. The extent to which I seek and accept the love I am capable of evoking for this being I call me, is the extent to which I am discovering a new level of acceptance and peace. I sense that what comes with this freedom from fear to accept love more fully, is the joyful aliveness of the responsibility for it.

So, tonight, alone, (with no one to complain to), I was pleased to see that my natural response to my physical pain was to love it, to apply a strong kiss. I smiled to myself for not turning on the light, which was the obvious and smart thing to do; and so I was careless, reckless even, with my own wellbeing. And then, in yet another gesture of self-love, I sat down to write because writing, for me, is a practice that is full of care, and through which I want to explore and honor the ways I see myself and others waking up to love.

I hope that we all, more often, remember to turn on the light and kiss our boo-boos with affection and compassion.

Hijacked Blog

October 2, 2011 5 Comments Business & Work, Changing The World, Money & Finances

There are many kinds of violation and, in every case, the person violated rightly feels all sorts of emotions, including anger, fear, frustration, shame and powerlessness. Such was the case when I discovered that this very website had been broken into by some unknown persons who uploaded more than 60 posts.

Luckily, they were benign articles but, nonetheless, they were posted by impostors who hacked into my administrative panel and gained access. It’s kind of like your house being broken into – maybe the perpetrators didn’t take anything of value, but the fact they were able to enter uninvited shines a blaring light on your vulnerability.

After realizing I could not access my admin panel because my user name and password had been changed, I tried to contact WordPress for help, which was useless since all I could find were forums, and nothing that answered my question: “What do you do when your blog is hijacked?” Then I sent an email request for help to my host server, knowing they are closed Sundays, but could probably help in some way. Finally I googled “my wordpress blog was stolen, what can I do?” The first piece of advice from the WordPress Codex: “Stay calm.”

Indeed, good advice. By thinking it through, I was able to request a reset of my password, sign back in and delete the bogus “administrators” who decided they needed to post on my site.

If they had just asked, I likely would have welcomed their contributions. That’s the thing about thieves… there’s a thrill in “getting away with” something, and it usually has nothing to do with need. It’s sociopathic behavior and, as such, disrespects the rights of others.

The Importance of Neighborhood Watch

I might not have realized this invasion, or hacking had taken place were it not for the watchful eye of friend and fellow blogger, Maia Duerr of the excellent Liberated Life Project. Maia thoughtfully sent me an email questioning the posts as not being mine.

We need to watch out for our neighbors and friends, in cyberspace as well as in “real life”. If you receive an email from someone you know that has a suspicious link, don’t open it and do contact them. If you notice odd entries on a blog to which you subscribe, let the author or webmaster know. In any case, monitor your online activities, change your passwords often and, if you discover your security has been violated, stay calm.

We live in a world where social contracts are being broken, “authorities” are not trustworthy, and criminals of all kinds proceed boldly without chance of prosecution. Therefore, as decent, conscious people, we can express our care and compassion by watching out for one another.

A Windy Memorial Day and Call To Action

May 30, 2011 4 Comments Changing The World, Passion & Joy

May the sun bring you new energy by day,
may the moon softly restore you by night,
may the rain wash away your worries,
may the breeze blow new strength into your being.
May you walk through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life.
– Apache Blessing

In this beautiful Apache blessing, nature is a kind and friendly idyllic and lyrical friend. The sun brings energy, not skin scorching dryness and drought to the land. The moon is soft and restorative, not hidden in darkness or obscured by storms. The rain is gentle, not pelting or the source of devastating floods. And the breeze gives strength.

Balmy breezes are one thing, but the relentless gusts of the past few months in Santa Fe are downright unnerving. I cannot sit outside with my MacBook Pro and do my work in the sunshine – writing and tanning simultaneously is my favorite form of multitasking. Safe inside the house, doors whistle, dust infiltrates, lips are parched and eyes irritated. The fireplace makes whoomping sounds. And it’s no good for peeing outside, I am informed by a man.

It is Memorial Day, when we usually have a barbecue in the evening and eat al fresco on the back patio, celebrating what is the unofficial start of summer. Instead, we shutter ourselves from the buffeting wind, groan at the forecast for continued “high winds,” express hopes that a forest fire is not ignited by some careless fool, and resign ourselves to what we cannot control – the forces of nature – grateful, at least, for our refuge from it.

As ever, the only thing we can control is our own thoughts (remember you always have a choice: “Don’t believe everything you think!”) and actions. So even though the winds are incessant and annoying, I can look out at the blue New Mexico sky and comfort myself with the thought that “everything changes and ends.”

I can think about what Memorial Day means to me, and how we would much better honor those who are willing to die in senseless wars by ceasing to create those wars. We also can honor ourselves, and whatever hopeful future we might imagine, to stand up to the lies and platitudes of our government and ruthless corporate interests that are seriously eroding our freedoms and justifying the oppression and destruction of people and living things all over the world. There is so much beauty and joy to be experienced in Life, but they require freedom of creative expression and communication; our freedom from the insane destructive forces that control the politics and economics of the planet.

If you doubt that our freedoms are on the decline, watch this video, shot at the Jefferson Memorial of all places. And then here’s the story behind it, the worthy challenging of mainstream press through non-violent activism. I’d love to hear your thoughts below.

May you walk through the world (no matter what the weather) and know its beauty all the days of your life!

Transitioning To A New Story Of Connection

March 27, 2011 3 Comments Changing The World, Money & Finances, Passion & Joy, Relationships

Charles Eisenstein, author of "Ascent of Humanity", spoke to Journey Santa Fe group this morning

Depression. Anxiety. Despair. We are familiar with the morass of emotions regarding old systems and beliefs that separated us and no longer work, and new creative ideas and ways that connect us but are not yet fully developed. We know things must change, but it’s often difficult to imagine ‘how’ when it seems the “powers-that-be” are so entrenched and destructive.

This morning, I was feeling pretty sad, thinking of the Japanese nuclear meltdown and the U.S. obsession with war. Just yesterday, as one small example, 165 Trident missiles were shot into Libya at $1.5 million each, or $250 million dollars (just a tip of the iceberg of the day’s military expenditures). How can we reconcile this recklessness and dollar expense with the death and destruction of Libyan lives and the fact that every aspect of our society needs rebuilding? We can’t. It doesn’t make any sense… except if we see it as the old story that is passing away.

“When something is almost finished, it takes on an extremely grotesque appearance. We are in the death throes of the civilization we’re living in. As institutions and systems crumble, we are in a world in transition,” says Charles Eisenstein, author of “Ascent of Humanity”, about the history and future of civilization from a unique perspective: the evolution of the human sense of self.

This morning, I had the pleasure of hearing Eisenstein speak, sponsored by Journey Santa Fe at Santa Fe’s Travel Bug store.

Eisenstein, 44, sees this time in history as one of great transformation. He is hopeful, but not idealistic; visionary, but not unrealistic. His message encourages us to see what is passing away and what is being born, recognizing we are in a liminal state; on the threshold of turning from systems of exploitation and separation to those of co-creation and mutual care.

Looking at what has been and no longer works, Eisenstein explained how the money game, based on interest-bearing debt, converts nature to goods and relationships to services, thereby creating scarcity, competition and mindless greed that has separated us from one another.

He talked of those so engrossed with the virtual world that “they do not see or care that earth, ecosystems and people are dying of neglect. We have seen our selves as separate, and even the story of self is ending too. We’re learning this painfully.”

The importance of stories
“We don’t believe in the old stories, but we don’t have the new stories yet,” said Eisenstein, holding out the vision that our new story contains and embeds a new story of the people, connected. He is sure that “We are here to love and co-create our relationship with earth.”

There are many examples of how things are changing and we are acknowledging the importance of our hearts. He cites “alternative medicine” and “holistic approaches” which many people in our society now seek. Another example is hospice. You can ask your logical mind, “What difference does it make to be with a dying person?” Our hearts know this is significant but our minds don’t understand. As we’ve all experienced, our mind argues with our heart. It is time, he contends to guide our choices in a different way.

So, how do we make this transition, to write and tell this new story of the people connected? “This is evolutionary,” said Eisenstein. “We need to undo the ideology of separation, undo the old stories, listen to our heart and what it wants to say, “yes!” to. We need to cultivate the connected self.”

The role of the Gift
His idea for cultivating the connected self, or community, is recognizing the role of the Gift. Eisenstein explains, “In traditional money-based economy, if there’s more for you, there’s less for me. In the gift-based economy, if you have more than you need, you give it away. Ecology works like this. We know this but we don’t believe what we know.

“Most of us spend our lives doing things we don’t really believe in… for the money. I’m pretending to care because I’m paid to. You find yourself asking, ‘What about MY life?’ If your gifts are not totally expressed and received, you feel you’re not living your life.

“Our desire is to want to give and enact our purpose here. Community is woven from gifts and stories, and reliance on one another. In our society, money replaces the need to need or appreciate another – ‘I paid you!’ Gift creates a tie. I feel gratitude for the knowledge of having received, and give in return.

“Gift expands self. Greed becomes insane. To give and receive is balance. To refuse gifts is stingy, selfish, rude. Give your gifts. Trust your desire to give, and the universe responds to it. Visualize to ready yourself to say ‘yes!’”

How do we infuse today’s world with properties of the Gift?
In a word: Appreciation. In my experience – as a human, a woman, a writer, a coach, someone for whom the human story is endlessly fascinating and human relationships of kindness and decency supremely important – I am in full agreement with Charles Eisenstein that changing the grotesque old story of separation and disconnection to a new one of love and connection begins with appreciation of one’s self and the world we each create moment-by-moment through our thoughts, words and deeds.

May we each hold the vision Eisenstein articulates of reunion, not separation. We know that old game and it’s not working. It’s time to wake up, listen to our hearts and share and receive our gifts. I welcome your thoughts below!

Eisenstein’s new book, “Sacred Economics” is due out July 2011. To read more about all this and get connected, I recommend his blog, Reality Sandwich, “evolving consciousness, bite by bite, counteracting the doom-and-gloom of the daily news.”

Pursuing Her Dream As A Young Artist

March 4, 2011 2 Comments Business & Work, Changing The World, Passion & Joy, Travel

To dash out to the store for eggs, cheese, bolillos, avocados, bananas, I need only to walk a short block to the corner tienda where Marisol and her mother, Carmen, greet me with huge smiles and easy conversation. Mirasol is a beautiful 21-year-old who is learning English by watching TV.

When we first met, Mirasol confided that she would like to work for an artist and be a painter herself. “Why would anyone hire you?” I asked. She shrugged and made herself small like a little girl, no doubt believing it’s impolite to toot one’s own horn. I rephrased the question: “How would your best friend answer that for you?” She puffed up and said with a swagger, “Because I’m very creative!”

I have been nudging Mirasol to enroll in Casa Cultura, a state-sponsored arts and crafts school she did not know existed, with the idea of creating a portfolio. “I’ll need that to go to Instituto Allende,” she declared, obviously having imagined herself attending the prestigious art school.

Carmen supports her daughter’s dreams. “I didn’t have the opportunities she has,” she admits with pride in providing Mirasol the chance for a different life than that of her own: 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, behind the counter of the family business.

Today when I entered the store, five weeks since our first conversation about her wanting to pursue art, Mirasol jumped up from behind the counter cluttered with jars of candy and bags of chips and nuts, and announced, “Surprise, Aysha! I went to the school and got the schedule!”

“Fantastic! Did you sign up for courses?”

“Yes. There is only one painting class, on Mondays, and I have signed up.”

“Wow, that’s terrific! When I return next year, I would love if you would give me one of your first drawings or paintings.”

Mirasol smiled broadly and shook my hand firmly: “I promise, Aysha, and I will write a dedication on it too.”

It will be among my most cherished possessions.

Listening and Loving

December 15, 2010 0 Comments Changing The World, Relationships

This post is reprinted by permission of Greg Newman, a gifted and exuberant body-centered coach/teacher I met at the Hendricks Institute training in 1999. For nine years, Greg has diligently emailed a monthly newsletter, each with a new insight and actual practice for enhancing our communication and conscious awareness. At the end, he poses some “wonder questions,” simple ways to consider the subject without judgment or blame. His devotion to empowering others and his personal integrity, is exemplary. He lives in Madison, WI with his wife June, where they also have a therapeutic massage business. You can subscribe to Greg’s free monthly newsletter by signing up at his website.

listening and loveing — Active listening – to others and our self – is loving and generous, keeps us in the present, enhances connection and brings forth our best ideas and heart.

DECEMBER BODY-CENTERED COACHING TIP

I have another practice I’d like to share with you just in time for the holidays. I call it listening and loving, because that’s what it is.

Typically when another person is speaking, most of us do something very different than listening and loving. Instead, we often listen and judge, get a rebuttal ready to fire back, mock them in our minds, poke holes in their logic, feel pressure to agree with them and so on.

For example, let’s say that your partner is speaking to you about an issue he or she is having with a co-worker. As your partner describes the situation, your mind goes through a number of mental gymnastics. It makes your partner wrong for having the issue, judges the co-worker harshly for his or her part in it, feels powerless about not being able to do anything about it, or tries to figure out a quick-fix to the problem.

Listening and loving has a very different agenda. You listen generously to what another person has to say, and you love them as they speak. You allow the other person to have their own thoughts and experience. You love them for being able to speak, for their willingness to speak to you, for anything you can find to love about them as they speak. Listening and loving has no agenda except to listen and love.

Have you ever heard a bird sing? You don’t try to outsmart, argue with or coerce a bird that is singing. You just listen and enjoy the song. Each person is a songbird making a song for you to hear.

You might think that listening and loving is boring, or that you won’t be engaging with others if you do it. I have found the opposite to be true. When I am listening and loving, I am present. Space opens between me and the speaker that allows me to hear their words and feelings clearly, without being carried away by them. I am available for the other person, rather than being lost in the maze of my own mental chatter. I feel connected with the person speaking and our conversation can unfold with ease.

When I am listening and loving, I am continuously amazed by the wisdom, insights and creativity that emerge in other people. When someone is listening to and loving me, their loving attention shines a light on my own genius and draws it to the surface like a powerful magnet.

Of course, listening and loving starts at home, inside ourselves. The same ways that you internally judge, ridicule and wrestle with your own thoughts are the patterns that show up when you hear others speak. Listening and loving begins with you, with every thought that passes through your mind. As you learn to listen to and love your own thoughts you will naturally do the same with other people.

So the next time someone is speaking to you, and find yourself mentally or verbally trying to fix them, talk them out of what they think or give them a more enlightened point of view, no problem….just remember to listen and love, and watch your conversation unfold in delightful ways.

…………………………………………………..
DECEMBER WONDER QUESTIONS

Who do you listen to the most in your life? The least?
Who listens to you the most? The least?
What do you do instead of listening and loving?
What would it be like to listen to and love every one of your thoughts?
What would it be like to listen to and love everyone in your life?

Please share what this brings up for you in comments, below… thanks! – Aysha

Do You Love Your Self?

November 1, 2010 0 Comments Changing The World, Passion & Joy, Relationships

reflections — What Are You Reflecting Back To You?

I was 47, looking in the leather-framed mirror in an elegant bathroom in the house my partner and I had designed and built just the year before.

I’d just gone through my first and only (thank the gods) bout with depression. For several months, on several days a week, I’d wake up trapped in a black hole. I felt I was falling backward into an elevator shaft. I was contentious and upset but could, on the “sane days,” step back and witness the insanity of what I was sowing, the struggle in everything I was doing. I’d wonder, “Who was that bitch who took over my body?” Finally, I got my hormones tested and the doctor said, “You’re out of progesterone.”

Progesterone is called “the feel good hormone.” Without it, you feel bad…really bad. But restoring a balanced level was a fairly easy trick: 3 months of compounded natural replacements and I was me again…only with much more gratitude. “Oh Aysha, There you are!” I had come back to my senses, to my “normal,” positive and empowered self.

So here I was in this Pueblo-style mansion, in a very tangible dream I was “inhabiting,” and I seeing myself in the mirror. I was so happy to see me! I realized I would never again be younger than I was at that moment. I realized I was all I had to work with in this life…and that woman in the mirror was pretty darn cool.

In this same looking glass I could see the little girl I once was, full of wonder, innocence, anticipation and idealism; the woman I am now, curious in a more specific way, recognizing the value of time and energy; and I could see too the old woman I may someday be, feeling very fulfilled and amused at the twists and turns of the countless stories of this life.

At that moment I knew without a doubt that I loved myself with an abiding appreciation I never had before. How could I do otherwise?

Have you had a similar epiphany? Are you fully appreciating you or still standing in judgment of yourself? Are you fearful or hopeful of the future? We are on this road together. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please feel free to enter a comment below and join the conversation.