Or Why Taking Responsibility – That Isn’t Yours – Can Be Detrimental To Your Health!
On the red metal bridge designed by Gustave Eiffel, over the River Onyar in Girona at sunset, walking with my friend Anna, a man, thirty-something, with a jaunty walk, approached from the opposite direction. Recognizing Ana, he slowed and exchanged greetings. “Que tal?” she asked. He said he’d just come from teaching a voice class. He cradled a bottle of Dom Perignon, and I commented that was a precious bottle. “A gift from one of my students,” he said, with a smile that conveyed genuine gratitude. He was relaxed and completely present to our conversation.
“So you teach singing?” I asked. “Not exactly. I work with professional singers, yes, and others, to find and expand their voice, which comes from their body, their grounding.” Jordi Hom continued, speaking of the relationship of the body’s organs to the body and its surroundings, using all its senses – including its intuitive sense – to give rise to voice. “It has little to do with just breathing.”
Without thinking, I asked, “Can I have a session with you?” I surprised myself. “Sure,” he replied and we made a date. The night before, I had a Skype talk with a new friend, who is a talented jazz singer. We spoke about the joy of singing, and my inhibition, believing I cannot sing on key. “You have a great speaking voice. I’m sure you can sing,” she said. I wasn’t sure, although I love to sing and know the words to nearly every song I’ve ever heard. And then this teacher appeared. Serendipity.
Jordi’s studio is a spacious room with a mirrored wall and electric piano in one corner. I stood in the middle while he walked around me, observing. “Your energy is cut off at the knees, ungrounded. It’s not flowing through your tightened chest, through your groin and connecting with the ground,” he said.
He sat at the piano and had me sing scales using different vowels. “You have no problem with key,” he noted, “but do you hear all the air in your voice?” Of course, it’s sounded like that for as long as I recall, as if diluting sound with air. “Let’s change that!” he said with glee. OK! I agreed.
For the next hour, I walked deliberately, planting my heels on the floor, moving my arms and hands in loose circles toward my body, I sat in a chair across from him as he massaged every centimeter of each hand, moving the energy up my arms, explaining how the meridians related to various organs. At one point he said, “You’re carrying responsibilities that are not yours.” As the truth of that was obvious to me, I began to weep.
I had a lifetime of stories of hurts, disappointments, abandonments… persistent memories of being wounded. I had literally taken to heart other people’s words and deeds, let them stick like a knife, drawing my life’s blood. And I carried responsibility for them, as if they were my words and deeds when, in fact, I know that everything that issues from another is theirs. I have my own. I didn’t need to take responsibility for anyone else’s. It was a heavy and painful burden that finally and suddenly could be let go. My body relaxed in a new way.
I returned several times to stand in front of the piano and intone scales. As if a miracle, I heard my voice without airiness, a pure deep rich tone. Jordi played “The Rose,” a perfect song for the occasion, and I sang, tears streaming down my cheeks. “You have a beautiful voice,” he said. Yes, I do. It’s always been there, a secret even to myself. Now it is revealed. 
Interesting that this happened in Girona, a city renowned for its secrets hidden in massive stone walls, buried beneath ancient foundations. We all have wounds. That’s inevitable. But in relinquishing responsibilities that are not mine, my voice became clear.
“The Rose”
Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
And you its only seed.
It’s the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It’s the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance.
It’s the one who won’t be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
And the soul afraid of dyin’
That never learns to live.
When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun’s love
In the spring becomes the rose.
I LOVE THIS!
So beautiful-the bud unfurling, filled with exquisite scent. Thank you, Aysha!
This was a most beautiful description of a blessed experience, and what a place to have it in! This is clearly a magical journey for you, Aysha. Be open for miracles!!
Eve, Thanks for the reminder. I am open to miracles!
Paloma, Thanks for being such a beautiful light in the world! Are you still teaching yoga and making beautiful santo gifts?
Everything is about energy and it’s flow I know this in my healing work and this is a beautiful confirmation.
Hola Aysha, he leido tu blog i la verdad es que me han conmovido tus palabras.
Me alegra saber que la classe ta haya aportado cosas bonitas y profundas. Todo lo que pasa en una classe son cosas que mueve el alumno y sin duda lo que salió en la classe y tu voz es fruto de tu trabajo, del trabajo que debes haber hecho a lo largo del tiempo.
Para mi fue un placer estar allí y verlo.
Jordi.
PD. Por ciero, eres muy gentil al hacerme más joven de lo que soy jeje…
I read your blog and I am really touched by your words.I am glad to know that the class gave you deep and beautiful things. Everything that happens in a class is something that moves the student. Certainly, what came out in the your classe and your voice is the result of your work, the work that you have done over time. For me, it was a pleasure to be there and witness it. Jordi.PD.
P.S. You are very kind to make me younger than I am.
Beautiful post, Aysha. It seems you are in a magical place, in every way. Thanks for sharing such a moving experience!
aysha, your writing is so personal and powerful and transparent. you are really on a voyage of discovery–of the inner world as well as the outer world. you take us along. i am grateful.
Anita, Thank you for sweet comment. Enjoying reading your journeys as well. Hope to “cross paths” soon!
Judie, I feel your presence on my “voyage” every time I dig deeper, ask more questions, take and give more interest. Grateful for you!
Jordi, creo que cada uno tiene un regalo, pero SER que el regalo, integrarlo tan totalmente y compartirlo con tal habilidad y claridad, que es una inspiración. ¡Gracias otra vez!
Jordi, I believe everyone has a gift, but to BE that gift, to integrate it so fully and share it with skill and clarity, that is an inspiration. Thanks again!
Oh my, Aysha, so beautiful, this writing, your story. I am so touched.
And you and I, once again in some kind of synchronicity. I have been seeking a singing teacher (wish I could go to yours!) to both strengthen my lungs and explore my singing voice. AND, the tarot card for this next year, starting on my bday in a few weeks, is The Lovers. In the position of annual growth card, it signifies ending and releasing what doesn’t belong to me, what I am no longer in alignment with, be it people, places, tnings, situations, locations.
So we shall see, my dear friend! I love you very much. Karen
Great post! So glad you gave singing a try. I’m learning guitar at a latter age, and its a challenge!
Perhaps I should take a lesson with Jordi Hom! I so believe that our singing voice is a reflection of our inner soul. Your adventures are always inspiring! Love to you from me!